Chronicles of my hair

Ok, so...last week I reached out to my new hair dresser to get a wash-and-set only to find out that she no longer worked at that salon. Needles to say, I was devastated. It took alot of self-constraint not to get in her business and ask what happened as i'm sure if she wanted to share that information with me, she would have done so. My cousin twisted my hair for me to get me by for the next week, but this predicament left me wondering what was next for me and my hair.

Last year was very difficult for me b/c I experienced excessive breaking which I attributed to the stress of job searching, then relocating (and all related stress). Its really bothered me that I have not been ablel to find a hair stylist that I am pleased with since college (2005). This year, I've made extreme progress in recovering from the breakage and even gaining length. I'm not usually big on New Year's resolution, but I have decided to make my spirit, body, and hair my personal priority in 2009.

Of course, this will be my sounding board for the progress of said personal priorities. I can't guarantee that all of it will interest you, but hey, this blog is for me so =P. J/K, but I really would like to share these things with you b/c I found myself being so emotionally attached to these things (and more) over the past two years.

So hopefully 2009 will result in a haeltheir spirit, hair, and body...lol

Love you all!

AYT

I'm a writer

The past couple of weeks have been extremely rewarding. I claimed that I am a writer and editor, posted my services on Craig's list, and watched as the work poured in. Now, I'm not a paid writer or editor yet, but I'm working on that part. LOL. Lets just say I'm paying my dues. So far, I have had six clients! I'm really searching to find the space I want to write in, and steps to take to move forward with this endeavor. I'm truly excited about having some career aspirations and working towards realizing them.

I will keep you posted on my progress, but for now, I need to get back to editing this manuscript ;)

Ciao!

You don't know what it feels like

You don't know what it feels like. You don't have the history of disappointment, tears, sadness, and embarassment I have had. You can't relate and I don't expect you to; afterall, its my life. It's mine and I have and will deal with it one step at a time. I don't want your rationalizations, longwindedness or critiques, I want your understanding and emphathy. Is my selfishness in this situation such a crime? Can I lay claim to the time I have put into it beyond listening ears? The tears,the fears, the frustrating years? If you've never carried the burden of third party disappointment in the EXACT same way, I don't expect you to be able to relate. Not today.

Charge it to my heart and not to my head. For if it were my head I would think more and feel less. I wouldn't be emotionally wrapped up in this mess. But out of my heart comes the issues of my soul. And out of this situation comes issues of old. I'm tired and I want to give up, but I cant ignore the ties that bind. So my apologies if my approach you don't find/necessarily appealing...revealing who I really am or what I really believe. Its me.

Who knew love would be my greatest mountain?

When I was a girl, I lived a life overflowing with love: the love of my parents & family, the knowledge of people who loved me many miles away that I had never met, & the love children generally have for things that bring them delight (candy, June bugs, ice cream & cake, jumping in leaves, & slumber parties to name a few).

When I hit puberty, I became strangely aware that other types of love existed. There was romantic love, crazy love, innocent love, jealous love, true love. I saw guys showering girls with flowers, balloons, teddy bears & kisses on that crazy day in February. I saw a boy (yes, a boy) shoot & kill his girlfriend because she no longer wanted to be with him. I saw girls write anonymous notes to boys revealing their innermost thoughts. I attended a 50-year wedding anniversary & a wedding vow renewal. Each of these events was centered on this idea of love that I knew nothing about nor had I experienced for myself. Which of these was the real deal?

I had my first shot at love in high school. I gave freely of my emotions & my time. I was confident & secure & found joy in each moment with my guy. Time decided that we would not fall IN love, but I will always love him for the person & friend he is to me. I did not fail at my first attempt, I just did not win.

Those co-ed years hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a rush of reality & independence all at once. I met a lot of interesting people, but finally decided to give my full attention to one in particular. He was charming to say the least. I was a snake in a basket mesmerized by his sweet nothings & brown eyes. It was great at first, but let’s just say the train derailed & never got back on track. Though the train was chugging through the dirt of the forest & destined to crash, I dared not get off for fear of walking through the wilderness alone. Needless to say, that rationale did not work either. I stayed on that train through physical confrontation, dishonesty, tears, & unfaithfulness. Was this love? After all, he did tell me those three words.

I walked away from this situation. I finally walked away from this situation. Believe me when I tell you I was bruised by this. Not in a physical sense, but emotionally bruised. I was wronged but nor was I a saint. Yeah, I said those three words. Once. In a jealous attempt to have him to myself though I really didn’t want him. This so-called love began innocently & romantically with serenades & good times. This so-called love was disfigured & warped by craziness & jealously. This so-called love was not true. I did not win my second attempt, I just lost.

Fast forward through a few jerks to my third chance at love. It began innocently & romantically; full of joy and refreshing. Unfortunately, these feelings were soon replaced with future fears. Fears that were born through the poisoning of my past experiences. I began fighting hard, getting nowhere fast & pushed deeper into an abyss of insecurity daily. The woman who seemingly had it all had nothing for she had not love. Hell, i'm still fighting. One by one, day by day, I have been climbing and conquering life's mountains. While I was eating that candy, I never could have told you that...when I was running after those June bugs, I never would have guessed that...when I was eating my ice cream & cake, jumping in those autumn leaves, & heading to my next slumber party, who knew? Out of all the mountains I would face in my lifetime, who knew that love would be my greatest mountain?

Just write...dammit!

Hello world!

I'm back and I'm better than ever...sike! (how corny) LOL, seriously...In my decision to try my hand at writing as a profession, I figured I should well...write. You have to actually do something to decide if you like or dislike it right? This site once served as the window into my experience abroad (Washington D.C. & Virginia really..but it felt reely reely far), but it will now serve as the place where I write and publish whatever the heck is on my mind at the time. I figure I could use the practice while I wait on customers to roll in. Currently I have a post out on craigslist offering free editing services to any poor unsuspecting soul. I have decided to focus on grant-writing, editing, and transcribing for the time being. Reply to this blog and I will surely get back with you. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I will call my business. Please reply with any suggestions as well.


XOXO,

AYT

Quarter Life Crisis & the Pursuit of Happiness

Hello world. Sorry to disappoint those who were actually keeping up with me via this blog. I have been busy with school, family, work/business, and personal relationships. In the midst of all that, I have neglected friendships, relationships, God and myself. I got everything I prayed for in ’05,’06 and ’07, but I still feel a void. This just lets me know that I wasn’t whishing, hoping, and praying for the right things.

The year is almost over and I’m ashamed to say that I’m still not 100% at peace with most of the events that occurred this year. I live in constant fear and it’s beginning to wear on me emotionally. I’ve been told that I’m not a very optimistic person and I must say it stung a little. What happened to the Akuba I used to know? The one who wrote poetry, caught June bugs, followed the underground hip hop scene in Athens, Ga., Miss Nonchalant, the aspiring fashion designer foreign diplomat and event planner?

I let the day-to-day wear me down, but I’m determined not to stay down. It’s not in my nature. Sure, I’ve had peaks: the birth of my God daughter, the rush of moving to an unknown place and holding my own, special moments shared with people I love, feeling a sense of accomplishment, reconnecting with old friends, starting a business…and many more…now I’m in search of wisdom and truth.

I am about to embark on yet another endeavor in 2009 that will put a lot of things behind me and prepare me for what’s ahead and I’m nervously looking forward to it. More to come on these changes soon!



Diligently seeking HIM…

AYT

My bad...

My goodness it has been a while. I've moved back to Atlanta. Im 25 now. I've laughed, cried, and prayed. I start grad school (again) August 27th...online this time. Im not really comfortable with where a majority of the aspects of my life are right now, but im banking on the words of my cousin that 'things just seemed to fall into place at 25.' I have a growing relationship with God. I have felt wronged, been double crossed twice, and had my kindness mistaken for something other than kindness twice. I have moved four times in the last twelve months. I have disappointed people and been disappointed by people. I have fallen in love and im walking in love, learning in love, crying in love, laughing in love...its crazy, but it fules the soul people. Try it. Im waaay more emotional than I used to be as recent as college. No more nonchalant me. I have parasailed, snorkled, and bought my first piece of art all in the same week. I'm on my grown woman.

I've learned to appreciate the fullness and rawness of living a full life, full of love, hurt, pain, joy and everything else. I welcome it all because I yearn to experience life in its rawest form...I cant really explain it. Im trying to find a hustle ya'll, so if a hustle knocks on your door, do me a favor and give it my cell phone number.

I've met some of the most amazing people and feel blessed to have crossed paths with each of them. I've read some really good books and ate some really good food. I have gained a few pounds and slowed down tremendously on my work outs.

But you know what? This is me right now and i'm learning to be ok with that so long as i'm constantly in motion headed upwards towards the next goal in life.


XOXO,

AYT...aka PYT...lol

U-P-D-A-T-E-S

I can't believe that it's been almost a month since I last blogged. So much has happened. I just came back from a two week trip to Ghana. It was a very emotional and bittersweet trip. I was able to see my Grandmother (and namesake, and lovely lady in the picture), I visited Cape Coast (google it), I partied in Accra (the capital), and even got into a confrontation with the son of a family friend. Overall, Im glad I went, but im also glad to be back state-side.

In other news...I FINALLY GOT MY TRANSFER AND I WILL BE GOING BACK TO ATLANTA AT THE END OF THE MONTH!!! God is good, prayer changes things, and EVERYONE needs a 'Prayer Possee.' Thats the circle of ride-or-die friends, family and loved ones that you have that love you and pray for your well-being and happiness. I have been waiting for this for so long that its surreal, but i'll start packing anyway ;)

Im excited and nervous all at the same time. I want to go home, but realistically, time didnt stop while I was gone and I know Im not coming back to the same place. Familiar, yet changed. Its home though, so I will take it. F.I.L.A. = Forever I Love Atlanta...so true =) And forever I love my support group...even the ones who are only around in spirit to share my joy.

Im a ball of emotions!

XOXOXOXO,

AYT

I Hope You Dance...

Akuba,

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,May you never take one single breath for granted,GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,Never settle for the path of least resistanceLivin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance..

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

Lee Ann Womack

Rascal Flatts

"I hope you never look back but you never forget the ones who loved you and the place you left, I hope you always forgive and you never regret and you help someone every chance you get, I hope you find God's grace in every mistake, and you always give more than you take."

My 30 in 30

Some years ago, I was inspired by a friend of mine to make a list of goals to attain by a certain age. I put my own spin to it and voila! "My 30 in 30" was born. Guess we have 9 more years to see whether I accomplish everything on my list ;)


1. Establish a relationship with God
2. Fall in L.O.V.E.
3. Visit 6 out f 7 continents
4. Jet ski in the carribbean
5. Speak 3 languages
6. Own a home (check)
7. Be debt free
8. Have my first child
9. Be in a happy, committed, monogamus marriage
10. Be financially independent
11. Have a 'mean shoe game'
12. Whiten my teeth
13. Obtain my Ph.D or Masters
14. Eat a real philly cheese steak sandwich
15. Stand in a waterfall
16. Snorkle in the Barrier Reef
17. Meet Oprah Winfrey
18. Swim with a dolphin
19. Skinny dip
20. Visit the Oprah Winfrey show
21. Go n a safari
22. Visit Disney Land
23. Own at least two businesses
24. Parasail
25. Plant a tree
26. Net worth $1 million
27. Take care of my parents financially
28. Be happy
29. Read the entire bible
30. Discover my purpose in life


XOXO,

AYT

Women for Hire

Not many people know this about me, but I landed the position im currently working in to Women for Hire. Women for Hire is a national resource for job-seeking women. Every year, they host career expos in major cities. At the career expo I attended, I was fortunate enough to make some connections which eventually landed me what I would say is my very first career. Recently, I joined my company's Women's networking group and the opportunity to volunteer at the Women for Hire expo was offered to anyone who was interested. Of course I was more than willing to help out.

For a while, I had been toying with the idea of making a testimonial video to send in thanking W.F.H. for providing me with the opportunity to showcase my skills, but just never got around to doing it. When I volunteered to help out at the career expo, I sent in a written testimonial of my job search and thanked them for their help in that process. Well, soon after, I received an email back from the CEO of W.F.H. herself, Ms. Tory Johnson! She asked if they could publish my story on their website (www.womenforhire.com/career_expo), publish it in their spring magazine, and if I could speak at her early morning seminar. I was more than happy to help out in any way possible.

Well, today was the actual day of the career expo. I had butterflies in my stomach about speaking in front of a large group, but I just kept telling myself to just 'tell my story.' You see, I had two reasons for sharing my story: For one, I just wanted other women to know that despite how they feel, they are not going through feelings of frustration and hopelessness alone. The second reason was really to send a heartfelt thank you to the people who helped me attain a goal that was two years in the making.

It really touched me when I spoke to young women who felt as though I was speaking directly to them and their situation or that my story had inspired them and they now realize that many people go through the same trials and tribulations in their job search. I had the opportunity to meet women from all types of academic and cultural backgrounds which was the most fascinating.

Most of those women just want that one chance to show others what she can do. Although Im no recruiter and was moreso there to answer questions about my company, I hope that every woman I spoke with today walked away with a sence of satisfaction that they just might get that chance, and renewed hope as they continue on in their job search.


XOXO,

AYT

She aint Rusty...

Hello lovely people. I am about to do something never before done by myself: publish one of my poems. It feels very vulnerable for people to read and know your innermost thoughts, but then again its just as theraputic. Anyway, I used to write a few years ago, then stopped. I dont really know why, but in my stay in DC/Va, Im trying to get back into it. Love.



Bringing the passion back, back from time, back to life, and back to my LIFE.
Life was easier when I put pen to PAPER.
Paper grew dimensions when I epressed mySELF.
Self-examination grew to self-APPRECIATION.
Appreciation of the things that mattered to me most were LOST.
Lost passions lead to lost FEELINGS.
Feelings grew NUMB.
Numb to repeat past MISTAKES.
Mistakes I wont make AGAIN.
Again, I digress to those co-ed YEARS.
Years I wont get back, so why not do like the Robinsons and 'Keep moving FORWARD"?
Forward I must go and upward I must GROW.
Grow into the rose Iknow I can BE.
Be on POINT.
Point to what I want and go after IT.
It seems as though im getting my mo-jo BACK.
Back from those co-ed years.
Again I digress, yet set to be the best, take no mess, reduce stress, fear life and loving less.
I will not rest til I have taken back whats mine: The freedom to trust, love, and grow.
In the words of Ms. Stone...bruised but not broken, my heart is still open.
Back to doing ME.
She aint rusty!



XOXO,

AYT

The landlady from hell

Ok, ok, I have a really really good excuse for not writing to you since early January. I was doing the whole find-a-place-to-live-then-move-in thing. Since I wasnt going to move in with my cousin, I found a townhouse with a room for rent in Virgina for $350 including utilities WITH month-to-month rent! Doesnt get any better than that right? Thats what I said and I jumped on that opportunity.

As it turns out, the plans that the family member I was supposed to move in with fell through and they asked me if we could get the basement apartment in the same house instead. I asked the land lady and she said that would be fine. So everything was set....move in date was Jan. 26th, U-haul was rented, clothes packed just waiting for the big day. Now I asked the landlady if the furniture that was in the basement could be removed before we moved in and she said she would have that done. The day before we were supposed to move in, she told me that she was unable to remove the furniture. In the same conversation, she brought up the prorated amount of rent for the five days we moved in prior to the first. I thought it was odd because my lease started on the 26th. I paid no never mind to that and offered to bring her the furniture in exchange for the $125 we would have paid for the 26th-31st. When we were finished unloading the truck, I called the land lady to get her address but she didn't answer the phone. I left two messages and started back calling her the following morning at 8am because the truck had to be back by 10a.m. She ended up calling me back as I was approaching U-haul.

Long story short, we agreed that I would extend the truck rental for one day and bring her the bed that day. Once we got off the phone, I realized that I had no one to help me with the bed like I did yesterday. There was a lady who worked at U-haul who was interested in the bed, so I called the landlady back to see if she were willing to give the bed to the lady since at one point she told me to just throw it away. She said it was a really nice bed and she wanted some money for it, so I told her to name her price. She said $50 and thats what I told the lady. She decided she didnt want to pay $50 for a bed that was about to be thrown out. To be honest with you, I didnt blame her. So there we were at a stand still because she wanted the bed, but neither one of us had the resources to get it off the truck. My aunt stepped in and called her to reason with her while I was trying to come up with a solution at U-haul.

Next thing I know, she calls me back yelling and talking over me and told me that I wasnt doing what we agreed on and since we (me, my aunt, and uncle) wanted to be vindictive, then I could just bring the bed back and pay the $125 and hung up on me! She would not answer my calls after that either. (Who was really being vindictive?) So later that day, I ended up calling her again to see if we could just back out of the lease and go our separate ways because I didnt feel comfortable at that point. She said that she didnt feel comfortable either, but she wouldnt be able to find a tenant on such short notice. I understood that and as a result, I gave her a verbal 30 day notice, told her I would pay her the $700 rent for feb. plus the $125 prorated amount and that I was bringing the bed back and I would put it in her back yard. I also told her that she should have been talking in a more respectable tone earlier today. She asked me what was she going to do with the bed, but as far as I was concerned, that was no longer my problem since she would now be able to afford the $50 Home Owners Association fine with the extra $125 she was getting from me. Its a cute, clean place and my roomies are great, but I refuse to give that lady another cent of my money.

So thats it folks! I am moving AGAIN at the end of Februrary. I already told myself in '07 that I would have to get used to traveling and moving in 2008 because I would be doing a lot of that this year. So its back to the drawing board for me.

Told you I was going to have some adventures! lol

XOXO,

AYT

Doing great, and doing good

I must say, I am very pleased and impressed with the way my company observed King day. It started out with a community-wide (everyone from the Reston, Va. office) meeting in Downtown D.C. They served us breakfast and gave us nice long-sleeved t-shirts with King's image on the back. Then we had 2 speeches and a couple of presentations on topics ranging from going green to one man's personal account of his involvement in the civil rights movement from a white man's perspective.

After about 3 hours we broke out into our pre-assigned groups to perform community service in the D.C./Maryland/Va. area. My volunteer project was at a homeless shelter in D.C. We sanitized the entire building (which was enormous) and painted the walls.

As my group was walking to the shelter, we were accosted by a man on a bull horn spitting religious prose to use. In so many words he told us that we think we are doing something great because we are out here on MLK day donating a few hours of our time. I was thinking to myself: He doesn't know me! Its in my blood...lol

The one thing that will always stand out in my mind is what I saw as I was cleaning one of the sleeping quarters. On one individual's bed, I saw three books. One was the bible, and the other two I cant recall the titles. The titles arent important. What stood out was that person's continued desire for knowledge despite their current situation. That just further solidified my regard for reading and education. They cant take that from you people! Read On!

(Coming to a neighborhood near you once I transfer back to Georgia)

Reading is fundamental and FOR THE MENTALS

I digress...

Overall, I really enjoyed the day and if the powers that be in my company dont give a darn about MLK, I really couldnt tell.

Was MLK day a day off or a day on for you?

XOXO,

AYT

Acknowledge your fear and do it anyway!

I think that the question mark is the best way to describe how I have been feeling for at least the past week or so. To update you on things: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year! 2008 Started out with me having to make some major decisions. The family member I was supposed to get an apartment with ran into some financial troubles rendering them unable to committ to a lease. I also discovered that the family members that I live with now pushed their move-out date up by a week giving me a little over three weeks to find a place (reasonably priced) on my own.

I will admit, the idea of being on my own in an unfamiliar place caused some anxiety. Its one thing to leave the nest when you're in familiar territory, but im doing this sans familiarity and a tangible support group. After much deliberation, I decided that this was the best opportunity to live out the title of this blog. Acknowledge my fear and do it anyway. You see, I realized that its now or never and if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere.

I supposed I became used to the comfort of knowing there will be food in the fridge and a pillow to lay on whether I decided to be financial responsible that month or not. Dont get me wrong, I feel utterly blessed that my parents, aunts, and uncles allowed me to build a solid enough foundation to stand on my own two feet. Its just that time for me to prove that I have stored all their lessons and advice and will use it wisely.

How do I feel now? Im excited to finally be on my own, making my own money and completely responsible for my own well-being. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means? (lol). I know that if im alright here in this shit-pit known as the D.M.V, I know I can make it in the A. On another note, I just learned wednesday that I will be in Va. until the end of March with no solid date of return. One of the problems is that there are few jobs in my company's pipeline in Atlanta. So even if I had a solid return date, there is still no work for me down there.

I just want to get back to the life I know. I feel that when I talk to people up here about Atlanta, im so focused on my return that I sound closed-minded about life up here. Its just that I had a life down there that I dropped it in the middle of everything and came up here.

On another note, I was walking around Downtown today and saw a girl who looked familiar. She looked like a girl I remember seeing around campus during college. Sure enough, she attended my alma mater! I just dont forget a face! We exchanged email addresses, but she will be pretty busy until April b/c she is studying for the MCAT...ah well...

Stay tuned for more updates. Oh yeah, for more "pieces" of my life, check out: http://pieces.themakingsofus.com...Holla!

XOXO,

AYT