Wanna know why I haven't written in a month? My Managerial Accounting and Marketing Management classes are kicking my butt! lol. I haven't had time for much else, but i'm taking it one day at a time. I just keep my mind focused on the finish line: May 9, 2009...Graduation Day. I was insprired to write a haiku about my experiences thus far. Here goes:
#1
Classes are boring.
I continue to press on.
Commencement is near.
#2
Study every day.
Failure is not an option.
Get your 'Michelle' on.
Let me know what you think...lol. Back to studying!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
Chronicles of my hair
Ok, so...last week I reached out to my new hair dresser to get a wash-and-set only to find out that she no longer worked at that salon. Needles to say, I was devastated. It took alot of self-constraint not to get in her business and ask what happened as i'm sure if she wanted to share that information with me, she would have done so. My cousin twisted my hair for me to get me by for the next week, but this predicament left me wondering what was next for me and my hair.
Last year was very difficult for me b/c I experienced excessive breaking which I attributed to the stress of job searching, then relocating (and all related stress). Its really bothered me that I have not been ablel to find a hair stylist that I am pleased with since college (2005). This year, I've made extreme progress in recovering from the breakage and even gaining length. I'm not usually big on New Year's resolution, but I have decided to make my spirit, body, and hair my personal priority in 2009.
Of course, this will be my sounding board for the progress of said personal priorities. I can't guarantee that all of it will interest you, but hey, this blog is for me so =P. J/K, but I really would like to share these things with you b/c I found myself being so emotionally attached to these things (and more) over the past two years.
So hopefully 2009 will result in a haeltheir spirit, hair, and body...lol
Love you all!
AYT
Last year was very difficult for me b/c I experienced excessive breaking which I attributed to the stress of job searching, then relocating (and all related stress). Its really bothered me that I have not been ablel to find a hair stylist that I am pleased with since college (2005). This year, I've made extreme progress in recovering from the breakage and even gaining length. I'm not usually big on New Year's resolution, but I have decided to make my spirit, body, and hair my personal priority in 2009.
Of course, this will be my sounding board for the progress of said personal priorities. I can't guarantee that all of it will interest you, but hey, this blog is for me so =P. J/K, but I really would like to share these things with you b/c I found myself being so emotionally attached to these things (and more) over the past two years.
So hopefully 2009 will result in a haeltheir spirit, hair, and body...lol
Love you all!
AYT
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I'm a writer
The past couple of weeks have been extremely rewarding. I claimed that I am a writer and editor, posted my services on Craig's list, and watched as the work poured in. Now, I'm not a paid writer or editor yet, but I'm working on that part. LOL. Lets just say I'm paying my dues. So far, I have had six clients! I'm really searching to find the space I want to write in, and steps to take to move forward with this endeavor. I'm truly excited about having some career aspirations and working towards realizing them.
I will keep you posted on my progress, but for now, I need to get back to editing this manuscript ;)
Ciao!
I will keep you posted on my progress, but for now, I need to get back to editing this manuscript ;)
Ciao!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
You don't know what it feels like
You don't know what it feels like. You don't have the history of disappointment, tears, sadness, and embarassment I have had. You can't relate and I don't expect you to; afterall, its my life. It's mine and I have and will deal with it one step at a time. I don't want your rationalizations, longwindedness or critiques, I want your understanding and emphathy. Is my selfishness in this situation such a crime? Can I lay claim to the time I have put into it beyond listening ears? The tears,the fears, the frustrating years? If you've never carried the burden of third party disappointment in the EXACT same way, I don't expect you to be able to relate. Not today.
Charge it to my heart and not to my head. For if it were my head I would think more and feel less. I wouldn't be emotionally wrapped up in this mess. But out of my heart comes the issues of my soul. And out of this situation comes issues of old. I'm tired and I want to give up, but I cant ignore the ties that bind. So my apologies if my approach you don't find/necessarily appealing...revealing who I really am or what I really believe. Its me.
Charge it to my heart and not to my head. For if it were my head I would think more and feel less. I wouldn't be emotionally wrapped up in this mess. But out of my heart comes the issues of my soul. And out of this situation comes issues of old. I'm tired and I want to give up, but I cant ignore the ties that bind. So my apologies if my approach you don't find/necessarily appealing...revealing who I really am or what I really believe. Its me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Who knew love would be my greatest mountain?
When I was a girl, I lived a life overflowing with love: the love of my parents & family, the knowledge of people who loved me many miles away that I had never met, & the love children generally have for things that bring them delight (candy, June bugs, ice cream & cake, jumping in leaves, & slumber parties to name a few).
When I hit puberty, I became strangely aware that other types of love existed. There was romantic love, crazy love, innocent love, jealous love, true love. I saw guys showering girls with flowers, balloons, teddy bears & kisses on that crazy day in February. I saw a boy (yes, a boy) shoot & kill his girlfriend because she no longer wanted to be with him. I saw girls write anonymous notes to boys revealing their innermost thoughts. I attended a 50-year wedding anniversary & a wedding vow renewal. Each of these events was centered on this idea of love that I knew nothing about nor had I experienced for myself. Which of these was the real deal?
I had my first shot at love in high school. I gave freely of my emotions & my time. I was confident & secure & found joy in each moment with my guy. Time decided that we would not fall IN love, but I will always love him for the person & friend he is to me. I did not fail at my first attempt, I just did not win.
Those co-ed years hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a rush of reality & independence all at once. I met a lot of interesting people, but finally decided to give my full attention to one in particular. He was charming to say the least. I was a snake in a basket mesmerized by his sweet nothings & brown eyes. It was great at first, but let’s just say the train derailed & never got back on track. Though the train was chugging through the dirt of the forest & destined to crash, I dared not get off for fear of walking through the wilderness alone. Needless to say, that rationale did not work either. I stayed on that train through physical confrontation, dishonesty, tears, & unfaithfulness. Was this love? After all, he did tell me those three words.
I walked away from this situation. I finally walked away from this situation. Believe me when I tell you I was bruised by this. Not in a physical sense, but emotionally bruised. I was wronged but nor was I a saint. Yeah, I said those three words. Once. In a jealous attempt to have him to myself though I really didn’t want him. This so-called love began innocently & romantically with serenades & good times. This so-called love was disfigured & warped by craziness & jealously. This so-called love was not true. I did not win my second attempt, I just lost.
Fast forward through a few jerks to my third chance at love. It began innocently & romantically; full of joy and refreshing. Unfortunately, these feelings were soon replaced with future fears. Fears that were born through the poisoning of my past experiences. I began fighting hard, getting nowhere fast & pushed deeper into an abyss of insecurity daily. The woman who seemingly had it all had nothing for she had not love. Hell, i'm still fighting. One by one, day by day, I have been climbing and conquering life's mountains. While I was eating that candy, I never could have told you that...when I was running after those June bugs, I never would have guessed that...when I was eating my ice cream & cake, jumping in those autumn leaves, & heading to my next slumber party, who knew? Out of all the mountains I would face in my lifetime, who knew that love would be my greatest mountain?
When I hit puberty, I became strangely aware that other types of love existed. There was romantic love, crazy love, innocent love, jealous love, true love. I saw guys showering girls with flowers, balloons, teddy bears & kisses on that crazy day in February. I saw a boy (yes, a boy) shoot & kill his girlfriend because she no longer wanted to be with him. I saw girls write anonymous notes to boys revealing their innermost thoughts. I attended a 50-year wedding anniversary & a wedding vow renewal. Each of these events was centered on this idea of love that I knew nothing about nor had I experienced for myself. Which of these was the real deal?
I had my first shot at love in high school. I gave freely of my emotions & my time. I was confident & secure & found joy in each moment with my guy. Time decided that we would not fall IN love, but I will always love him for the person & friend he is to me. I did not fail at my first attempt, I just did not win.
Those co-ed years hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a rush of reality & independence all at once. I met a lot of interesting people, but finally decided to give my full attention to one in particular. He was charming to say the least. I was a snake in a basket mesmerized by his sweet nothings & brown eyes. It was great at first, but let’s just say the train derailed & never got back on track. Though the train was chugging through the dirt of the forest & destined to crash, I dared not get off for fear of walking through the wilderness alone. Needless to say, that rationale did not work either. I stayed on that train through physical confrontation, dishonesty, tears, & unfaithfulness. Was this love? After all, he did tell me those three words.
I walked away from this situation. I finally walked away from this situation. Believe me when I tell you I was bruised by this. Not in a physical sense, but emotionally bruised. I was wronged but nor was I a saint. Yeah, I said those three words. Once. In a jealous attempt to have him to myself though I really didn’t want him. This so-called love began innocently & romantically with serenades & good times. This so-called love was disfigured & warped by craziness & jealously. This so-called love was not true. I did not win my second attempt, I just lost.
Fast forward through a few jerks to my third chance at love. It began innocently & romantically; full of joy and refreshing. Unfortunately, these feelings were soon replaced with future fears. Fears that were born through the poisoning of my past experiences. I began fighting hard, getting nowhere fast & pushed deeper into an abyss of insecurity daily. The woman who seemingly had it all had nothing for she had not love. Hell, i'm still fighting. One by one, day by day, I have been climbing and conquering life's mountains. While I was eating that candy, I never could have told you that...when I was running after those June bugs, I never would have guessed that...when I was eating my ice cream & cake, jumping in those autumn leaves, & heading to my next slumber party, who knew? Out of all the mountains I would face in my lifetime, who knew that love would be my greatest mountain?
Monday, November 10, 2008
Just write...dammit!
Hello world!
I'm back and I'm better than ever...sike! (how corny) LOL, seriously...In my decision to try my hand at writing as a profession, I figured I should well...write. You have to actually do something to decide if you like or dislike it right? This site once served as the window into my experience abroad (Washington D.C. & Virginia really..but it felt reely reely far), but it will now serve as the place where I write and publish whatever the heck is on my mind at the time. I figure I could use the practice while I wait on customers to roll in. Currently I have a post out on craigslist offering free editing services to any poor unsuspecting soul. I have decided to focus on grant-writing, editing, and transcribing for the time being. Reply to this blog and I will surely get back with you. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I will call my business. Please reply with any suggestions as well.
XOXO,
AYT
I'm back and I'm better than ever...sike! (how corny) LOL, seriously...In my decision to try my hand at writing as a profession, I figured I should well...write. You have to actually do something to decide if you like or dislike it right? This site once served as the window into my experience abroad (Washington D.C. & Virginia really..but it felt reely reely far), but it will now serve as the place where I write and publish whatever the heck is on my mind at the time. I figure I could use the practice while I wait on customers to roll in. Currently I have a post out on craigslist offering free editing services to any poor unsuspecting soul. I have decided to focus on grant-writing, editing, and transcribing for the time being. Reply to this blog and I will surely get back with you. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what I will call my business. Please reply with any suggestions as well.
XOXO,
AYT
Monday, October 6, 2008
Quarter Life Crisis & the Pursuit of Happiness
Hello world. Sorry to disappoint those who were actually keeping up with me via this blog. I have been busy with school, family, work/business, and personal relationships. In the midst of all that, I have neglected friendships, relationships, God and myself. I got everything I prayed for in ’05,’06 and ’07, but I still feel a void. This just lets me know that I wasn’t whishing, hoping, and praying for the right things.
The year is almost over and I’m ashamed to say that I’m still not 100% at peace with most of the events that occurred this year. I live in constant fear and it’s beginning to wear on me emotionally. I’ve been told that I’m not a very optimistic person and I must say it stung a little. What happened to the Akuba I used to know? The one who wrote poetry, caught June bugs, followed the underground hip hop scene in Athens, Ga., Miss Nonchalant, the aspiring fashion designer foreign diplomat and event planner?
I let the day-to-day wear me down, but I’m determined not to stay down. It’s not in my nature. Sure, I’ve had peaks: the birth of my God daughter, the rush of moving to an unknown place and holding my own, special moments shared with people I love, feeling a sense of accomplishment, reconnecting with old friends, starting a business…and many more…now I’m in search of wisdom and truth.
I am about to embark on yet another endeavor in 2009 that will put a lot of things behind me and prepare me for what’s ahead and I’m nervously looking forward to it. More to come on these changes soon!
Diligently seeking HIM…
AYT
The year is almost over and I’m ashamed to say that I’m still not 100% at peace with most of the events that occurred this year. I live in constant fear and it’s beginning to wear on me emotionally. I’ve been told that I’m not a very optimistic person and I must say it stung a little. What happened to the Akuba I used to know? The one who wrote poetry, caught June bugs, followed the underground hip hop scene in Athens, Ga., Miss Nonchalant, the aspiring fashion designer foreign diplomat and event planner?
I let the day-to-day wear me down, but I’m determined not to stay down. It’s not in my nature. Sure, I’ve had peaks: the birth of my God daughter, the rush of moving to an unknown place and holding my own, special moments shared with people I love, feeling a sense of accomplishment, reconnecting with old friends, starting a business…and many more…now I’m in search of wisdom and truth.
I am about to embark on yet another endeavor in 2009 that will put a lot of things behind me and prepare me for what’s ahead and I’m nervously looking forward to it. More to come on these changes soon!
Diligently seeking HIM…
AYT
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
